Murderous Pies
by zombie hipster
Summary: In a rather pleasant-smelling apartment complex, Sho and Alex must reside, taken on the daily task known as-...well that's not important to the story.


Disclaimer...of sorts lol: Characters may or may not be a bit ooc but what the hell do you care? You just walked into a romantic comedy centered about Sho Minamimoto and Alex Mercer and expected consistency. pssssft  
no i'm kidding I try my hardest because the more canon they are THE MOST HILARIOUS THIS SHIT IT IS  
NOW LET'S GO GET IT ON LIKE DONKEY KING EEHHHHHHHHHH

* * *

Lying lazily on a sofa, a nearly passed-out Reaper stared forward at the buzzing television set. It needed to be replaced. Badly. And it was the only thing on his mind other than just one other thing... At that the sound of the clock going off at the time of the alarm, and he was looking back at the front door of his apartment, leaning over the back of the couch. It was always such an exciting time at this wasn't it? At three fourteen.

There was a knock on the door, leaving the other to frown. A knock; couldn't they simple walk in? It wasn't like it would be awkward-"Come on in!" he shouted loudly, obviously shaking the cabinets a little. It was a wander he even used a microphone in any situation, he was a blow horn all in himself.

"Jesus..." The entry way opened up behind, him staring at it with his head on the sofa's back waiting to see who it was, even if he knew. And he did, seeing at least the door fully open as the victim of the scream rubbed his ear.

"Don't be so fucking loud."

"Alex, you're just too zetta slow pst." Sho responded, containing to lean at his place, watching the new quest. Alex simply closed the door and went to the kitchen immediately, starving. The sliver haired man lounging raised an eyebrow at that.

"Aren't you stuffed, arcsec?"

Alex turned back from the open fridge, eyebrow also rising and an incredibly unamused look upon his face. Of course the other never paid enough attention to looks to read into them, simply answer, "From multiplying all those bystanders?" He gave a large grin, fangs rather evident in the white flash. The joke, very poor, did not excite the man in the hoodie as much as it did for the math freak. Its taste was a bitter as a hunter.

"What a bore!" Sho shouted, just the right level to keep everything steady but still to break the proper inside-voice recommendations. He turned right around and put his feet on the coffee table, yawning as if to further mock. A death wish to just about everybody else but special cases where in order here. Very...very thin cases.

Upon finally getting the screen on the television to move, merely static dancing now wasn't it, the capped male had hands on his shoulders, which had to be an obvious reason to look up. Here there was an emotionless face of a certain biological weapon who was not pleased. A simple sorry might have sufficed in this situation (the offense was minor afterall) but of course-

"Why so zetta collinear, Alex?" he said in a much quieter voice, normal but strange for its bearer. A curious little look appeared on his face, an almost...cute little look. Alex had to admit that, the expression he wore changing a bit, softer. Sho of course knew the effect he was causing, trying his best not to smile gleefully and just to continue semi-pouting.

"Whip that look off your face before I do it for you, Sho," was the final answer from the brunette, pushing the black cap on Sho's head down, causing instant discomfort for the second. But it wasn't like the worst that could have happened right? Alex's worst was never to be even thought of. Not that any of that thought processes ran through his attention defecating mind whatsoever _ever_. Just a fine food for thought for anybody else.

"Aleeexxx!"

Alex Mercer, who had grabbed some ham from the fridge at the time of the new yell, nearly dropped the retrieved item, feeling health boosts going out of effect as his eardrums screamed right back for mercy. One would have thought after all this time spent with the annoying gamesmaster, he'd get used to it but it was just impossible. He'd never listened to loud music before-to his knowledge-and he certainly didn't listen to it now. Loud noises just startled him; perhaps it was just the effect of having to sneak around so much. He gave a quick hissed yes to Sho, nibbling on the meat he'd stol-borrowed.

"Satalite's out."

Seriously? "Then go fix it yourself, smartass."

"Tsktsktsk see-" Sho turned around on the black sofa facing the other as he shouted "-That's my meat you're sucking down on!" As if It was such serious business to him what happened to the continents of his fridge all the time. As if in spite, Alex finished the last bite of it all, grinning at Sho and placing his hands in his pocket.

A day made of mean moves.

"I will eat you if you keep this up," Alex said.

"Stupid, octogan! So zetta slow, I tell ya you can't eat a Reaper~!"

Again with the noise Goddamnit…

Instead of responding and just getting the last of his ears blown out, the consumer stared forward with a teasing, half-grin. It did not move from its position, staring straight into Sho's very soul.

It was after moments of this that Sho's often moving face grew a little flustered, an understanding coming between the two immediately. After that, it only became worse as a thought lingered in the mathematician's brain before turning the rest of his red. Upon seeing him turn around and face the television and its static, Mr. Mercer gave a chuckle and strolled over to where his friend of sorts sat, grabbing his shoulders again. The little rebel appeared to be deep in thought, most likely calculating the square root of pi or looking for the right algebra to 'make that man totally not do something like that uggh!'

Sho chose to look up at last when the hands were starting to wrap, the delightful expression from earlier vaguely there this time, but more of an accident as he was deep in thought at this time. The blush had also been into a factor, its tint just faint on his cheeks now.

A very light peck on the forehead made them up a bit but that was it, Alex clearly amused by being the superior being in the residence as usually.

"You're kinda cute when you're confused, Sho," he chuckled, finally letting go with all said and done, returning his hands to his pocket. It took a few seconds and starting to walk back to the kitchen for an extremely flustered Reaper to scream, "DAMNIT I'M NOT ZETTA CUTE I'M HANDSOME!"

Leaving the eardrums on Alex Mercer officially stoned.


End file.
